Cruel Doubt
by Avalon.Roxy
Summary: A look into Egon's past. This time, the years he was in high school. RGB AU. Please, no destructive comments, thanks.


**Cruel Doubt**

_Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to RGB, it's characters and whatnot. I'm just borrowing them for this story._

_Author's notes: Since the summary has limits on how much to write, I want to add that in this story I make a reference to an adult fic I wrote about an encounter between Egon and Clara. You do the math. So if that bother's you, there is a back button. But, I do make a reference to Egon and Janine dating for a bit, until Egon gets cold feet and backs off, which is explained in the story. _

After tossing and turning, Egon woke up from what was a very strange dream that he had. Though it wasn't about the Boogieman, there was still something disturbing about the dream enough to wake him. Rolling over, Egon tried to go back to sleep, but without success. Careful not to wake up his colleagues, Egon got out of bed and went to go downstairs. None of his fellow Ghostbusters even twitched, still snoring away, sleeping soudly. Walking past Clara's room which was separate from his and the other guys, Egon accidentally stepped on this one floorboard that creaked rather loudly. Silently cursing under his breath, Egon checked to make sure it hadn't disturbed Clara. It didn't, and Egon continued downstairs to the kitchen and living area. Everything was dark, except for the illumination coming from the moon above the city, shining through the living room windows. In the kitchen, Egon fixed himelf a cup of hot cocoa, his usual remedy for a restless night. As Egon sat at the table, sipping it slowly, savouring the sweet brew, he pondered the dream that had awakened him from a blissful slumber. It was a mix of strange, disturbing, and a bit erotic.

Egon had been dreaming about that time he and Clara were under the influence of some substance that had been slipped into a bottle of Pepsi that the both of them drank from. The substance, whatever it was, had acted on one of the most basic of human needs: sexual desire. It resulted in Egon and Clara sharing a moment of intimacy downstairs in the basement lab. It had been so primal, carnal, and-Dare Egon think it?-passionate. Of course, nothing like that would've happened while both of them had been in control, and neither Egon or Clara ever figured out what it was that made them act that way, or how the substance got in the Pepsi. Egon tried to talk to Clara about what transpired between them, but Clara didn't want to discuss it, due her being very embarrassed about it. Of course, Egon had to respect her wishes.

Now Egon was perplexed as to why he would be dreaming about that incident. It had happened nearly four months ago, and had been forgotten. Until now. It's not that Egon was beginning to develop feelings for her. Or was he? Perhaps on a subconscious level? But did Clara even feel the same way? Anytime a woman showed an inkling of romantic intentions, it scared Egon. There was that librarian who helped them with the case of that lunatic who wanted all the chickens in the world gone. Then there was Lida, the young girl from Lupusville. And then there was Janine. From the moment the Ghostbusters got their business off the ground, Janine had always shown more affection towards Egon than the other three. They even tried dating for a bit, after the Ghostbusters' confrontation with Gozer. But just as things were getting more serious, Egon became afraid and backed off. It had disappointed Janine, but she respected his wishes, and remained good friends.

Yet, here he was, dreaming about something he thought he had forgotten about. And there was also something about the dream that confused and disturbed Egon too. After their intimate encounter, Egon followed Clara upstairs and saw her receiving a bill of money. Not from any of the other Ghostbusters, not from Janine, but from someone Egon knew back when he was in high school. _What did it all mean?_ Egon thought to himself. Why would people he knew from high school be showing up in his dreams now. It was another aspect of his life he never discussed with anyone, a part of his life he'd like to forget. For the girl in the dream that had given Clara the money was the girl who had betrayed him. The girl that made Egon resolve to never allow himself to get too emotionally attached to any other women again.

* * *

It happened back in Cleveland in 1972. The new school year had just begun in September and it was Egon's senior year at Harrison High School. Two years younger than the other seniors, Egon was in all the Advanced Placement academic courses. While most senior students were seventeen, going on eighteen the next year, Egon was fourteen, with his fifteenth birthday coming up that November. He had begun his freshman year at the age of eleven. That time, it made for some lonely days and nights as there were no students Egon's age to make friends with. And most older students were not about to hang around someone younger than them. Egon was considered a little kid by their standards. A little kid, maybe, but with the intelligence level rivalling that of a grown man, something else that also set Egon apart from his peers. But, none of this bothered Egon. He was more concerned with his studies than socializing. He was at school to learn. Of course, Egon's great intelligence, his aptitude for Math and Science and his excelleration into high school were not lost on the menace of every school, be it elementary, junior high or high school: Bullies. Usually it was just name-calling. Nerd, egghead, poindexter. But Egon would let that kind of thing roll off his back. His parents always told him, they call you names because they're jealous. However it was harder to ignore the bullies when they did other things like swiping Egon's homework, tripping him in the hallways, or throwing things at him like spitballs, crumpled papers and the occasional item of food. Sometimes Egon would get shoved into a locker, or picked up and tossed butt-first into a trash can. They'd also demand his lunch money from him. Most of the bullying came from three senior boys, Scott Stephenson, Danny Morrison, and Paul Locarno. They were known more for their mischief, clowning around, and general hi-jinks than their academic achievements, if any. Rumour had it they'd been held back at some point in their school careers. Yet, Egon always maintained a cool demeanor, a characteristic of all the Spengler males. But there was one thing that Egon would allow to get the best of him, and it came in the form of a girl named Sonia Stone.

As Egon was always at the top of his class, always on the honour roll, he was usually one of the those students asked to help tutor those who were in danger of failing, mostly in Math or Science. And one of those students Egon was asked to tutor was Sonia Stone. She was a sophomore who was not in danger of failing her Science class, just having trouble understanding the coursework. Sonia was also on the school's Volleyball team, and because of the No Pass, No Play rule, she figured this extra help would be a pre-emptive strike from getting warned about losing her place on the team if her grades dipped. Egon was chosen to tutor her. Though Egon had tutored many students, including girls, there was something about Sonia that seemed different. Perhaps it was her outgoing personality which offset Egon's introverted nature, or maybe it was her appreciation of classical music, which Egon sometimes had playing in the background during the tutoring sessions. Whatever it was, Egon became smitten. Obviously he could never tell his parents about these feelings for Sonia. Nothing like that was ever discussed in the Spengler household. Egon was on his own, and could only guess if Sonia felt the same way. But Egon was about to discover, painfully, that it was definitely not the case.

Now it was December, and the Christmas break was coming up soon. And every December, like every other high school, there was a Christmas Dance, and it was coming up as well. Typically the guys would ask the girls out, but not Egon. Asking a girl out was scarier than facing the Boogieman head-on. Besides, Egon was more likely to be doing homework, or engaging in one of his hobbies like his collection of spores, moulds and fungus. But, on the day before the dance, when school ended for the day, Sonia approached Egon at his locker. "Hi Egon."

"Sonia, hello. We're not scheduled for tutoring today. Is there something else you are having difficulty comprehending?" Egon asked.

"No. I was wondering if you were going to the dance tomorrow night." Sonia replied.

"Thank you but that is a negative. I am in the process of tracking the growth of a sample of fungus I came across two days ago."

"Oh. Uh, well, that sounds, interesting. But I'd really like it if you'd come. There's still tickets available."

"I, really, don't know-"

"Please?" Sonia pleaded, smiling. Egon couldn't help but give in.

"I guess those samples should be fine on their own."

"So, is that a yes?"

"Affirmative." Egon said.

"Great. See you then." Sonia gave him a hug, then left. How was he going to explain this to his parents?

That night, Egon wanted to make sure he looked his best. He picked out his favourite dress shirt, sweater-vest, and a pair of dark blue jeans. "I can't believe what I'm seeing. My son, going to a school dance." Mrs. Spengler beamed. "And he was invited by a girl too." She adjusted Egon's collar.

"Mother, please."

"Oh Egon, I'm just trying to help you make sure you look just right. And are you sure you don't want myself or your father to give you a lift up to the school and back home after?"

"No, thank you mother. I have adequate funds for public transit." Egon replied. He put on his coat.

"Okay. Hope you have fun." Mrs. Spengler said. "Aren't you going to see Egon off?" She asked his father.

"I still have my doubts as to whether this is a good idea."

"Oh Ed, Egon needs to get out of the house now and again."

"Kathleen, won't this have affect on his studies?"

"Father I can assure you that all my homework is completed. There is no cause for concern." Egon said.

"Alright son, but before you leave," Mr. Spengler went into the kitchen to grab something, "this came in the mail this morning."

"Seems your winning project at the National Science Fair last year got the attention of those at Columbia University." Mrs. Spengler said as Egon took the thick enevelope from his father and opened it. "Well, what does it say?"

"I've been accepted, and they're prepared to offer a very generous scholarship." Egon replied.

"That's wonderful Egon!" Mrs. Spengler gushed with pride. "Columbia is a very prestigious institution."

"This is an excellent opportunity for you Egon. I hope you will give it careful consideration." Mr. Spengler added.

"Of course I will father."

"They say that you're welcome to start anytime. You could even begin after Christmas."

"But father, I have not yet completed the last year of high school. I still have to graduate."

"Check with the principal. You may have all your credits and could graduate early."

"Ed, don't you think you're rushing things?" Mrs. Spengler asked.

"I just don't want this opportunity to pass by."

"Father, the letter says I can start anytime. I have not read anywhere on it that gives a deadline on when to start." Egon said.

"Well, you better hurry Egon. You don't want to miss your bus."

"Yes mother. I should be home by ten-fifteen exactly." Egon gave his mom a hug, and left the house to get the bus up to the school.

Even though Sonia had invited Egon to the dance, she didn't hang out with him or dance with him much. And not a whole lot of Egon's favourite music was played either, with the exception of some Aretha Franklin songs. Aside from classical and opera, Egon did like her music. About two hours into the dance, a slow song began to play, "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green. "Egon." Sonia came up to him.

"Oh, hello Sonia."

"Would you like to dance with me?"

"That would be nice, but I'm afraid that my dancing skills are severely lacking." Egon replied sheepishly. Sonia giggled.

"Don't worry. I've been told I have two left feet." Egon looked down at her feet.

"But that is clearly impossible. Clearly you do not have a third leg, and you definitely have a right foot." Sonia couldn't help but laugh.

"Egon, it's a figure of speech."

"Right, I knew that."

"Clearly you're nervous. Here," She took Egon's hands and showed him what to do. Little did Egon know that this was all a deception on Sonia's part.

After the song ended, Egon and Sonia were approached by Sonia's two best friends Julie Beard and Roberta, or Berta, Pollard. "Well Sonia, I must admit. I didn't think you could pull it off. But you win." Julie said.

"Win?" Egon was confused. Berta pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and gave it to Sonia. Though Egon was right there to see everything, Sonia took the money anyway from her friend. "Sonia, what is going on here?" Egon asked.

"Egon," Sonia started to explain.

"Am I to understand that you invited me here on the pretext of monetary compensation?"

"I'm sorry Egon. You're a good tutor and a nice guy, and I thought you could use some getting out more. My friends bet me that I couldn't get you to come out here and dance with me, and I hate to turn down a challenge."

"But, I thought-"

"Thought what, Egon? That I liked you? As I said, you're-"

"A good tutor and a nice guy, yes. You told me that already. As for getting out more, perhaps I need to give that some careful reconsideration." Egon snapped. "So all this was nothing more than an elaborate deception?"

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression Egon." Sonia replied. Egon felt like he had just been punched in the stomach, and for a moment, he wished he really had been. The physical pain would've been easier to take. Egon turned to leave so that Sonia couldn't see that he was about to cry. Suddenly he felt something splatter against his back. Scott Stephenson had chucked an egg at Egon, and that's what hit him on his back. As Egon turned around to see who had thrown the egg, he got pelted again with another egg, this one hitting his chest. A third egg sailed through the air and hit Egon on the head.

"Bullseye!" Berta cheered, clapping. Julie and Sonia joined her.

"Ha ha! Now he really is an egghead!" Paul Locarno guffawed, high-fiving Scott and Danny. That extra humiliation was the straw that broke the camel's back, and Egon stormed out of the gymnasium. After washing the egg off his sweater-vest, his face and hair, Egon left the school to get the bus back home.

"Egon? Is that you?" Mrs. Spengler asked when Egon came in the door.

"Yes mother."

"You're home early. Egon, why is your hair all wet? And your sweater-vest, it's all wet too. Egon, what happened?"

"I got hit with some eggs by those troglodytes Scott, Danny and Paul." Egon replied, seething inside with rage.

"That can't be the only reason you're home early." Mrs. Spengler said. "I sense there's more that you're not telling me."

"Your talent for pre-cognition never ceases to amaze me."

"It's called 'Mother's Intuition'."

"Well your intuition is correct. The girl who asked me to the dance, it was all a deception. She only asked me on the pretext of monetary compensation from her friends."

"Oh Egon, I'm so sorry to hear that."

"I really thought she took a genuine interest in me. I did with her." Egon said, keeping the tears held back. Mr. Spengler had been sitting in the living room, listening.

"I suppose you'll have learned now to look at those types of situations with a logical approach, and not allow your emotions to drive you?"

"Ed, don't start."

"Kathleen, I'm just saying that sometimes when you allow yourself to become emotionally attached to someone, you forget to consider that they could betray you."

"Yes but that doesn't happen all the time." Mrs. Spengler snapped.

"No, mother. Father is right. I should've remained detached, looked at the situation with a logical, scientific approach." Egon said.

"There. See? He learned from this mistake." Mr. Spengler told his wife.

"I'm going to up my room to study." Egon said to his parents and went upstairs. Even with the door closed, Egon could still hear his parents disagreeing with each other about what he had told them. He tried to tend to his latest specimen of fungus he was studying, but couldn't concentrate. Instead, Egon put on one of his opera records, this one in particular about unrequited love, and tried not to cry. The acceptance papers for Columbia University were sitting on his bedside table, so Egon chose to look them over. He grabbed a pen, wanting to sign them, but didn't, wondering if he was being irrational. A decision like that could not be taken lightly, especially one that would send Egon miles from home, from his family, to an unfamiliar place where he knew no one. No, Egon would take another day to think about it.

* * *

It was the last day of school before the Christmas break. Egon was just finishing up in the bathroom and was about to leave when walked two of the three stooges, Scott and Danny. "Hey, look who it is." Scott said with an evil grin.

"Hope you enjoyed the egg dinner we gave you at the dance." Danny added.

"No. I most certainly did not." Egon snapped, mentally calculating a way past them, not knowing that Paul was by the door.

"Aw well, guess we'll have to try harder." Scott snickered.

"If you're looking to purloin the funds I somtimes bring to purchase lunch here, I have to inform you that I did not bring any today." Egon figured that was the reason they were on his case. Not this time.

"Oh were not here for any money." Scott snarled. "We're going to give you a bath." Egon took off for the exit out of the bathroom.

"Get him!" Danny shouted. That was Paul's cue. He jumped in front of Egon, pushing him back into the bathroom. Scott and Danny shoved Egon into one of the stalls. Knowing what was coming next, Egon took off his glasses and got them into his pocket before Danny grabbed his arm. He grabbed Egon's other arm so he couldn't struggle or fight back, and while holding both of Egon's arms behind his back, Danny forced Egon to his knees. Egon held his breath as Scott shoved his head into the toilet and flushed it, giving Egon a 'swirly-whirly'. Scott, Danny and Paul all howled with hysterical laughter as Egon came up coughing and sputtering toilet water.

"Hope you enjoyed your bath poindexter!" Paul chuckled, high-fiving Scott and Danny as they left Egon there in the bathroom. This time, Egon couldn't control the urge to explode in rage. This time, Egon was pissed off. He kicked the stall door, nearly jarring it from its hinges. Enough was enough. After drying himself off, Egon went to pay a visit to Principal Moss. He was going to ask for early graduation.

"Egon, this is a pleasant surprise." Principal Moss said when he entered his office. "What brings you here?" Then he saw that Egon's hair was wet, as it was dripping water on the floor. "Why is your hair all wet?"

"I apologize for the state of my hair sir." Egon replied as he dried it off on his sleeve. "Scott, Danny and Paul thought it would be amusing to stick my head into a toilet and flush it. I guess my hair isn't sufficiently dry."

"Well, those three have certainly earned a few weeks detention for that.

"Mr. Moss, I came to ask about leaving early. A few weeks ago I received a letter of acceptance to Columbia University, and it stated that I could start studying there anytime. They also offered a generous scholarship." Egon said.

"Well, then I must congratulate you." Principal Moss shook Egon's hand. "Columbia University is a prestigious school." He opened a filing cabinet behind him. "Ah, here it is." He pulled out Egon's file and looked through it. "I'll make sure this information gets copied and sent over to their admissions office as soon as possible. You know, you have all your credits, have consistently maintained a four point zero GPA. I see no reason why your request can't be granted."

"That would be very appreciated sir." Egon said. Principal Moss pulled out a mortarboard and a framed diploma already made with Egon's name on it.

"I was preparing for this moment, actually. I did hope you would continue for the rest of the year though as you have always been one of the best. But, I knew you would get an early acceptance into university someday, and it's a opportunity that should not be passed up. You are exceptionally gifted." He handed the mortarboard and the framed diploma to Egon, shaking his hand again. "So, my congratulations once again. Consider yourself graduated."

* * *

The new year began, and with it, new opportunities for Egon. He and his parents were at the Greyhound Bus terminal, waiting for Egon's bus to New York City, to his first year at Columbia University. "Now Egon, I hope you'll remember to write to us when time permits it." Mrs. Spengler told him.

"Of course I will mother."

"I just wish I could've seen you walk up that aisle to receive your diploma. I was looking forward to taking some photographs."

"You have my graduation pictures that were taken back in October." Egon said.

"I know. But still, it's not quite the same."

"You will remember what I had said about looking at every situation with a logical approach, right?" Mr. Spengler asked.

"Yes father."

"But keep in mind also Egon, not everyone, especially women, is out to betray you." Mrs. Spengler added.

"Kathleen,"

"Ed, we don't want to make it sound like people are out to get him. That's not very logical." Mrs. Spengler chided. "Egon, one day you will find someone who cares about you as you do her. You just have to be careful about who you get emotionally attached to, and not to let those emotions cloud your logic and judgement."

"I understand mother."

"People do leave the petty dramas of high school behind."

"One other thing son, while you are working on your studies, your mother and I will be sending you a monthly sum to help pay for your necessities like food, extra books and other materials. However, when you have completed your studies, or have turned 18, whichever comes first, you will be expected to be earning your own income. And you do know that there's always a place for you at the lab, should you choose. I do hope you will consider that option."

"Thank you father. But will that allow me to pursue my research into the paranormal and the supernatural?" Mr. Spengler sighed.

"Egon, you know how I feel about those particular, interests. It's enough you want to study those subjects at Columbia, but I don't see there being enough career opportunities in that direction. You have a keen mind, I do not want to see it go to waste." He pleaded.

"That will not happen father, I can assure you. But, I feel it's where I'm needed, and I know that there is much that I can contribute." Egon said.

"Alright son, if that is what you must do. Just keep in mind, the position is always open, should you decide that you want to come home."

"Thank you father, but, it's unlikely that will happen." Finally the announcement came over the intercom that the bus to New York City was ready to board.

"Well, good-bye mother, good-bye father. I promise to keep in contact as much as possible." Egon said.

"Stay out of trouble." Mrs. Spengler gave him a hug.

"I know you'll make us proud son. You always have." Mr. Spengler shook hands with Egon, another Spengler male attribute. And with that, Egon got on the bus. Slowly it made its way out of the terminal, then out of Cleveland, and on its way New York City. It's where fate would work in favour for Egon, for Columbia University is where Egon would ultimately wind up in the company of two unique friends.

That's where Egon has been ever since.

* * *

Back at the firehouse, he was still pondering things somewhat when he heard footsteps. Peter was awake. "Peter, how come you're out of bed?"

"Nature called. You think she'd respect that I'm in the middle of sleeping, maybe having a great dream. I noticed your bed was empty. I was about to ask you why you were up too. Did the Boogieman invade your dreams again?"

"This time, no. It was something completely different."

"Anything you need to tell your buddy Dr. Venkman about?" Peter asked.

"Another time perhaps." Egon replied with a yawn. He could feel the hot cocoa taking its effect.

"You're probably right." Peter got up and stretched. "Better get back to sleep before the ghosts decide it's time to wake us up. Especially if it's after twelve."

"Indeed." Egon remarked with a hint of sarcasm as he and Peter went back upstairs to bed.

The End

_End notes: Egon will get the chance to settle up with Sonia Stone in an upcoming story, tentatively titled "Unhappy Reunion". Stay tuned. I'd like to thank XtremeLurker, aka Lurkergal, aka Nikki, who gave me the idea of writing something on Egon's past. I'd also like to thank Campi, whose drawing of Egon, angry(possibly about getting bullied), with a set of high school lockers in the background, provided more inspiration for this story._


End file.
